LiFe In TwO WOrLdS

When I see those Delhi Rape culprits and their hideous crime I think will mere a simple Death sentence can do the justice? Can it do anything to decrease the coming decades long agony . Why will the numbers of rape  decrease, because u hanged one?  Be practical, even if its your's parents death after a decade you will let go and move on.If I think like the impulsive protesters I would rather burn the culprits to third degree and let him live and show his pics on TV as advertisements probably every sunday, decade after decade to inflict the pain and empathy. But that's not at all my point. Let me ask you a question  Did those "bus folks" knew that they where going to rape a girl? As its very simple for even a lame too to understand that he cant run away from this Big one!.As we call them "monster" or "blot on humanity" ,did SATAN himself sent them to rape her ? Is there anyone like "certified Rapist" or How do you know you are not...

Sometimes I think,” If eyes are the windows to the soul then grief is its door, as long as its closed, its the barrier between knowing and not knowing, walk away from it and it stays closed for ever. Open it and walk through it and pain becomes truth. And now I’ve faced the struggle for my own survival that I always knew was coming”......   Night at around 11.30,we  were returning from City to college .Not knowing if it was the cool breeze or the after exam mood as Akash asked “Sameer did you ever go to your parents, hug them and say that they are the best Parents and you love them too much..without any reason, just for the sake of what you are feeling...think of the response”. I saw his face and said “dude don’t  you think it seems a lil kiddish..I mean a lil awkward but that was a too intense question and my answers were not at all doing justice to the question”...................... Sometimes I think , I am the same person as the world looks upon me....

Have you ever felt that you have got a gift much more unknown and precious  than anything before.There are only two possibilities either you en cashes its worth  or maybe not. And mostly as we have come out of  a small cocoon like environment  unaware of its worth lets it go and bids  adieu with a  smile( precisely like that fox in the orchard which let go the grapes  wrongly calculating its worth ) and that smile may be covering all the flawed up pride ,unaccepted guilt and lastly a pulling force to stop “the somebody inside “ from rectifying the mistake.                                                      Someday you will realise that the small “somebody inside” was your true friend, ...

Biggest change when I came to college was that, to my every "why" there was an answer "have to". "Why i have to solve this question by this method and not that".....have to "why we have to write 20 pages of assignment when they too know it will be a copy"....have to "why have to attend classes when i know books will be better than that Idiot".....have to "why i have to do this/that"....have to.. And slowly "the why" disappeared like the sand taken away with wind and left with Have To engraved on the forehead.Though i struggled to digest this in beginning but its use  helped me fit in. This "have to" bashed up my conscience so hard that even if the soul tries to unwrap "why" and think of having a swim in it,it gives huge agony as if the mind has accepted it to be too shallow. And now the scenario within is changing so much that thins are in too topsy turvy  ...as if  Q:"why am i sleeping...

Reasons never been so small for anything in life till date.Guilt never been so high to hide something from those who we love the most (parents).Wonder are we so far much gone in the flow that even once ,the question "why" not creeping through our mind  . I remember a guy ,a very good friend of mine had the first fag of cigarette when we were returning from wayanad and the only reason was to look "different" ( in college Tech-terms look cool), and yeah we were astonised with glowing eyes gave it a try ( though a voice echoed inside ,the voice which always clarified the different between wrong and right but i faked as if i heard nothing).That was the beginning ,next i had an encounter with a guy from a very famous school and all filled with superiority and boastings and drunk once said "Saurav enjoy with us don't be a kid be a man", as a writer i should say that i told him that he was wrong and lacked character but i found his words rather interesting...

Its really amazing to notice that how we adapt according to the flow time, atleast in my case these 20 yrs have made me realise that things are changing and so do I. when I look back it appears that as if I had started this journey yesterday.Though they are now memories but it feels like living back in those memories is more easy-soothing,than waiting for an unpredictable future and an unstable present.That mummy’s Sonu has somewhere disappeared into this SOURAV . Things turned so much upside down that even the mirror seems to be biased and me deceptive,but I do realise the presence of that meek Sonu inside under the rough mask of deception when I face drastic situations. I try to connect both of them to a link so as make the present “me” realize that its coming from the one at the other end of chain but  the links which I am using is made of all those “smiles and tears”..and surprisingly their reasons have all changed a lot. I remember sonu crying- for birthday gifts he asked for...

It was like a fog surrounding me and I could not do anything except  waiting  for the haze to clear or  move in any arbitrary direction,but if you don’t have a clue what your aim is ,then what??..you wait or move it wont matter. In my case i moved,i don’t know where but in hope that somewhere -somehow i will know the reason of my existence.In the way ,at a crossroad I found some people doing things which they proclaimed as their aim,I joined them and thought that, may be  my aim was same or if not then may be i would get any clue.After i moved with them far away from the starting point, working with them and achiving their…or may be my aim…I stopped for a few moments and closed my eyes to figure it out….have i got that??…a voice from inside echoed,but it was also not clear,what i could make out was that ,it was a NO… i opened my eyes and found myself to be at another crossroad with another...